Texts from Jane
by tika12001
Summary: short and funny (I hope). Maura receives a series of texts from Jane, who might be in hospital.
1. Chapter 1

**_Title: Texts from Jane_**

 ** _Rating: K_**

 ** _Author: tika12001 (aka Katie)_**

 ** _Summary: short and funny (I hope). Maura receives a series of texts from Jane, who might be in hospital._**

 ** _Disclaimer: not mine, never will be. I credit the original creator Tess Gerritsen, as well as Janet Tamaro for creating their tv alter egos. I make no money so please don't sue!_**

 ** _Author's notes: eh. Felt like writing a little something. Enjoy!_**

 _R &IR&IR&I_

 _Jane: So... uh... I might be in the hospital._

 _Maura: You MIGHT be in the hospital?_

 _Jane: Well... I'm in a bed. The blankets are all scratchy, it stinks like it's way too clean for my liking, and some bitch keeps poking me with a needle. So either it's hospital, or the drug lords manors are way different to how I remember._

 _Maura: You were in a drug lord's manor?_

 _Jane: You know so little about me, Maura._

 _Maura: HA! So, are you going to tell me why you MIGHT be in hospital? Also what hospital and where in it I might find you?_

 _Jane: no no, yuo dnt need t come here Maurys_

 _Maura: Jane_

 _Jane: ...Maura?_

 _Maura: Oh, so my name is Maura again, is it? Why don't you want me to come there?_

 _Jane: Because you don't need to?_

 _Maura: But you're in the hospital._

 _Jane: ... I haven't entirely ruled out the whole 'drug lord's manor' thing_

 _Jane: you reeeeally don't need t come. 'm fine_

 _Jane: why aren't you answering?_

 _Jane: look, I just told you about the whole potentially being in hospital thing cause Frankie made me_

 _Jane: In fact, this is Frankie. Hi Maura. My name is Frankie. I am Jane's annoying little brother._

 _Jane: no, really, I stole her phone. This is all a prank, cause I'm an ass. Jane is at home on her couch._

 _Jane: did I mention what an ass I am?_

 _Jane: helloooooooo_

 _Maura: You really should learn some patience, Jane._

 _Jane: ... I'm Frankie._

 _Maura: No, you're not._

 _Jane: ... am too._

 _Jane: Maura?_

 _Jane: what are you doing?_

 _Jane: I'm not in the hospital!_

 _Jane: I mean, Jane's not at the hospital_

 _Jane: fuck._

 _Jane: I'm bored_

 _***30 seconds later***_

 _Jane: Ok, this is seriously taking like 20 years. Where are you? Why are you not talking to me?_

 _Jane: dum de dum, here I am, just sitting at home, NOT AT THE HOSPITAL._

 _Jane: except don't come to my house cause I'm going out_

 _Jane: ... I ran out of milk_

 _Jane: and don't tell me you'll bring some over cause I need a special kind_

 _Maura: A special kind of milk?_

 _Jane: SHE LIIIIIVES_

 _Jane: yes. I need a special kind of milk._

 _Jane: it's hard to find_

 _Jane: Maura?_

 _Jane: I also ran out of bread. And peas. And meat. This might take a while. It's gonna be a loooong shop. So don't come over._

 _Jane: Okay?_

 _Jane: Cause I won't be home_

 _Jane: cause, you know, I'm at the shop._

 _Maura: I'm getting into the car_

 _Jane: Why are you getting into the car?_

 _Jane: I'm not home_

 _Jane: at the shop, remember?_

 _Jane: I need milk_

 _Jane: Maaaaaurraaaaaaa_

 _Jane: so... asking for a friend... if my friend happened to, say, try to photocopy something (not her ass) and the glass broke, injuring her ass (even though it was not her ass she was trying to photocopy)... you'd be sympathetic, right? Especially considering she was NOT trying to photocopy her ass?_

 _Jane: asking for a friend_

 _Jane: could be a him too._

 _Jane: you would be at my place by now_

 _Jane: you're still not answering_

 _Jane: Maura_

 _Jane: MAURA_

 _Maura: Oh Jane, you didn't._

 _Jane: Where are you?_

 _Maura: I'm at the emergency ward._

 _Jane: I'M NOT HERE_

 _JANE: I MEANT THERE_

 _Jane: AND IT WASN'T ME_

 _Jane: though, in other news, I am about to get stitches on my ass. COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO ANYTHING I WAS SAYING BEFORE. So... how was your day?_

 _END_


	2. Chapter 2

**By demand, a second chapter. Hopefully as funny as the first... time will tell.**

 _R &IR&IR&I_

 _Jane: Maaaaura. Where are yooooou?_

 _Maura: How are you able to convey whining through text message?_

 _Jane: I'm not whining_

 _Jane: I don't DO whining._

 _Jane: Maaaauraaaaa_

 _Maura: So that WASN'T whining just then?_

 _Jane: no_

 _Jane: I don't whine_

 _Jane: I speak forcefully and let people know of my emotions in a mature and adult manner_

 _Jane: MAURAAAAAA_

 _Jane: see?_

 _Maura: Uppercase letters prove nothing, Jane. You are still conveying a tone of whining._

 _Jane: ... will you please just tell me where you are?_

 _Maura: I'm glad you conceded defeat. I'm in the cafeteria, ordering a very questionable sandwich._

 _Jane: I conceed nothing. Wait, I thought you told me that I should never buy food from a hospital cafeteria._

 _Maura: ConceDE, Jane: D before E. Please pay attention to your spelling. And yes, I did... but desperate times call for desperate measures._

 _Jane: Me getting stitches in my ass hardly constitutes a desperate situation_

 _Jane: I used a big word_

 _Jane: constitute. Hehe. Kinda sounds like prostitute._

 _Maura: remind me to check what pain meds they have you on. Jane Rizzoli saying 'hehe' is... interesting._

 _Jane: Why interesting? Where are you again? I'm bored_

 _Maura: Yes, I will definitely check those pain meds. Hold your ponies, I'm waiting in an exceptionally long line._

 _Jane: Hold your HORSES. Ohhhh you're in the cafeteria. That's a funny word. Cafeteria._

 _Jane: Maura._

 _Jane: Mauraaa._

 _Jane: Mauraaaaaa._

 _Jane: MAURAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_

 _Maura: Busy, sorry._

 _Jane: BUSY?! You're in the hospital to see ME, what could make you busy?_

 _Jane: Maura!_

 _Jane: I HAVE STITCHES IN MY ASS FROM THROWING MYSELF IN THE PATH OF A CAR, AND YOU ARE BUSY_

 _Maura: Stop yelling, I will be there soon. When I'm finished._

 _Maura: And you did NOT throw yourself in the path of a car._

 _Jane: WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED?! I'm not yelling. I'm being forceful. See, I don't whine._

 _Jane: Mauraaaaaaaaaaaaaaa_

 _Maura: People are beginning to glare at me because my phone is going off so often._

 _Jane: so put your phone on silent._

 _Jane: wait, don't do that._

 _Jane: Maura!_

 _Jane: *sad face* I need you..._

 _Jane: owwwww_

 _Jane: I think something might be wrong..._

 _Maura: what is it? R u ok?_

 _Jane: hehe I made Maura Isles resort to text speak. My guilt game is ON FLEEK._

 _Maura: I don't even know what language you're speaking anymore. I'm going to take it from that message that there is nothing wrong and you are crying wolf._

 _Jane: Nope_

 _Maura: So there IS something wrong?_

 _Jane: I'm fine. I just don't have a wolf nearby. At least I hope not! *glares at doctor*_

 _Maura: The doctor is NOT a werewolf, Jane. Please be patient. I'm almost finished talking to Korsak._

 _Jane: WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO KORSAK?_

 _Jane: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?_

 _Jane: WHY IS KORSAK EVEN THERE?_

 _Jane: ARE YOU STILL TALKING TO HIM? WHYYYYY?!_

 _Maura: Because he's my friend as well as my colleague?_

 _Jane: ... so you're talking about work stuff. Like... you know, murders. And not what certain people may or may not have been doing with a photocopier._

 _Jane: Maura?_

 _Jane: What are you talking about? Are you going over theories?_

 _Jane: Maura?_

 _Jane: so any theories?_

 _Jane: MAURA?_

 _Maura: Yes, got some very interesting theories._

 _Jane: REALLY?!_

 _Jane: Um, I mean... what case?_

 _Maura: The case of the broken photocopy machine._

 _Jane: I GOT THESE STITCHES FROM AN EXPLODING VASE AND YOU'RE BLAMING A BROKEN MACHINE ON ME NOW TOO?! HAVEN'T I BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH?!_

 _Maura: What vase?_

 _Jane: uh... the blue one._

 _Maura: You don't own a blue vase._

 _Jane: I could own a blue vase._

 _Maura: Jane, I know every item in your house. I helped you move, remember? You do NOT own a blue vase._

 _Jane: ... well, not anymore._

 _Jane: but don't check my bins._

 _Jane: I didn't put the rubbish in my bin._

 _Jane: I put it in the bin at work._

 _Jane: but don't check there either._

 _Jane: cause it got taken out._

 _Jane: just accept I had a blue glass and that's it._

 _Maura: I thought you said it was a vase._

 _Jane: ... that too._

 _Maura: So a glass AND a vase exploded?_

 _Jane: ...yes._

 _Maura: Jane._

 _Jane: Can you please just come here? I miss your stupid face._

 _Jane: And I'm pretty sure a cloud just moved, cause the doctor just sprouted another two inches of facial hair._

 _Maura: Sigh. I'm coming._

 _Maura: You are SO lucky I love you, Jane Rizzoli._

 **END**

Well, up to you guys now. Should I try to continue this a bit more, or leave it here? Please review and let me know your thoughts! Love to all, Katie xoxo


	3. Chapter 3

_**Well... here's chapter 3! Let me know what you think.**_

 _Chapter 3_

 _Jane: I'VE BEEN RELEEEEEEEASED_

 _Jane: FROM JAAAAAAAAAAAIL_

 _Maura: It was hospital, Jane, now shush. I still have papers to complete._

 _Jane: I can do it_

 _Maura: No, I tried that. You filled out different variants of the word faeces all over the form, giggling almost the entire time._

 _Jane: Jane Rizzoli does not giggle!_

 _Maura: Right. Okay, in the interest of scientific experimentation, I feel required to do this: poop._

 _Jane: ... see, I'm not giggling._

 _Maura: No, technically I suppose you're not. You're twitching though... was that a snort I just heard?_

 _Jane: ... no._

 _Jane: I'm booooored_

 _Jane: give me the form, I promise I won't write poop._

 _Maura: Oh Jane, you are NEVER going on that pain medication again. No, I think I'll decline your request, thank you._

 _Jane: why? I'm not in paaaaaaiiiiin. I like the meds. Me Jane, Me like medicine._

 _Jane: There's a man over there with really sticky outy ears._

 _Jane: Like reeeeeally sticky outy._

 _Jane: really REALLY sticky outy!_

 _Jane: Do you see the man?_

 _Jane: MAURA I'M TALKING TO YOU._

 _Maura: Well no, you're texting me. I suppose I should be grateful you're NOT talking... that could be humiliating._

 _Jane: Why humiliating?_

 _Jane: I can talk_

 _Jane: ARE YOU READY TO HEAR ME TALK?_

 _Maura: Jane..._

 _..._

 _Jane: why are you glaring at me?_

 _Jane: Maura?_

 _Jane: *sad face* I just wanted to talk to you..._

 _Jane: Maura?_

 _Maura: So apparently I can add overemotional to the list of side effects of this pain medication. I'm sorry for glaring. You can stop sniffling and looking like a punched puppy._

 _Jane: It's 'kicked puppy'._

 _Maura: Oh._

 _Maura: Jane?_

 _Maura: Jane?_

 _..._

 _Jane: you've been typing for a really long time_

 _Maura: I don't know what to say. Why aren't you messaging me?_

 _Jane: you were mad at me_

 _Maura: well, you did just yell out that you had stitches in your ass from an embarrassing 'faecal incident'._

 _Maura: I'm not mad though. But I am going to concentrate on filling this paperwork out._

 _Jane: it was pretty funny though, right?_

 _Jane: like, people are staring at me now. You can totally tell they're wondering what happened._

 _Jane: they're not thinking I photocopied my ass. they're thinking 'oh poor cop, someone did something with poop and she was injured'_

 _Maura: I really do not understand your current preoccupation with bodily waste._

 _Jane: I'm not preosccup... Maura WHY UOU WALKING AAWY FROM ME?_

 _Jane: ooh, we can go? YAAAY_

 _Jane: not replying unless you text._

 _Jane: CAN'T HEAR YOU_

 _Jane: LA LA LA CAN'T HEEEAAAAR YOOOOOU_

 _Maura: GET IN THE CAR_

 _Jane: Uh oh_

 _... *24 hours later*_

 _Jane: can u come over pls?_

 _Maura: How are you feeling? Yes, I can certainly come over; I'm almost finished with this paperwork, so then I will leave work and come straight there._

 _Jane: ... still cant believe u use correct puntuation + shit wen u type._

 _Maura: I can't believe you use better punctuation and spelling when you are reacting to medication._

 _Jane: do not_

 _Jane: ...fine. Whatever. Happy now?_

 _Maura: That is better, I must admit. Though it was only four words, so..._

 _Jane: rargh. Look, I can type longer sentences too! Happy now?_

 _Jane: ..._

 _Jane: ..._

 _Maura: ?_

 _Jane: Really? With the one question mark? Really?_

 _Maura: I am trying to finish up work so I can come over. You texting me constantly is not conducive to this outcome being met in a timely manner._

 _Jane: ... yeah okay, sure. I'll just pretend I understood that._

 _Maura: I really do not understand why you pretend to be less intelligent than you actually are, Jane._

 _Jane: look, whatever, I can't wait anymore... I've been rereading old messages._

 _Maura: yes?_

 _Maura: Jane?_

 _Maura: Jane, your message has intrigued me and made it difficult for me to concentrate so I would greatly appreciate if you extend on your message._

 _Jane: for God's sake, speak like a normal person, She-robot. Repeat after me: 'what the fuck Jane? I'm confused'. Five words. Gets your point across much quicker._

 _Maura: Jane._

 _Jane: DID I REALLY SHOUT OUT POOP IN A CROWDED WIATING ROOM?_

 _Maura: It wasn't really crowded..._

 _Jane: !_

 _Maura: You made people stare. I found it slightly entertaining._

 _Jane: I'm so not talking to you._

 _Maura: Considering the events of the past 36 hours, I think I could learn to live with this._

 _Jane: MAURA!_

 _END CHAPTER THREE_

 **Dum de dum... again the question, should I continue? I'm thinking just a few funny little convos when Jane's been injured and forced to take time off while Maura works... or Maura's sick at home and Jane misses her (though she'd never admit it)... etc. Thoughts?**

 **Love to all, Katie xoxo**


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